Tuesday, June 28, 2011

No, I'm not pregnant-just a planner...

Staring at an overturned laundry basket as I breathe deeply and consider what....to....write...

Thinking of my little one seated on it so sweetly waiting for me to hurry up and take her to the beach this morning. 

Am I ready for another even littler one?  Will I miss many of her very special moments if I have a newborn taking over my life again?

I see other moms with more than one child under the age of four, and many of them make it seem totally natural-they seem to embrace the ensuing whirlwind of personalities, needs, and laughter (and other expressions of the not so happy type).  I also remember being the second child...and then the middle child.  Often happy to be left alone, sometimes made to feel as an afterthought (by my very loving but very busy mama). 

I also think about all of the moments of fear and doubt seated in the fact that I had never had a child before during Ever's first year of life...how will that play out if I've done it already?  Maybe it won't be so hard...but, then factor in that there are two small (and one big brother here with us part time) and maybe it will be. 

I suppose I still have time to think on it.  I do think on this-whatever juncture we have found ourselves at during Ever's last 2+ years, I have used equal measures of planning and spontaneity tempered with pure instinct (and a good deal of divine intervention).  I appreciate advice (about 30% of the time), but ultimately I am her mama and I do know best without a doubt. 

I look to that when I wonder what to do with another child.  I will love, I will listen (God does need us to meet halfway), and my heart will grow even bigger than I could ever expect. 

(And that laundry basket is going to be used even more than it already is.)


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Sugar and Spice

Somewhere in the last couple of weeks a very subtle transition occurred.  Bit by bit, my baby has become an almost big little girl. 
We went on a family road trip-I was nerve wracked about her routine and how she (and we) would do without it.  She did fabulously-slept in beds (with foam or rolled towel bumpers), napped whenever (or almost not at all), and ate her food ( a miracle, actually-the last few months of medical attention warranted by her small stature can attest to that).
Now that we're home-she is still eating, has transitioned into her toddler bed, and is having conversations with me.  "Let's go, Ever-let's get in the car."  "I'm coming, Mommy."
Amazing, that's what it is.  As much as I dreaded this time in her development, because it would mean that I'm losing her babyhood, I'm so filled with joy seeing her moments of shining pride in her new abilities that any dread is eclipsed in that light.  I love that she is finally able to communicate with me all the thoughts that are floating around in that amazing mind of hers.  I've become closer with her-more like we're hanging out with each other.  Of course, this is accompanied by disagreements and moments of fierce love-but I am basking in it. 
Thinking about her yesterday, I became aware that in her case, the spice that makes her girly sugar and spiciness is definitely cayenne...but, then-what should I have expected after years of putting crushed red pepper on practically anything edible!  She is a fierce little sprite-may I always give her enough room to cultivate the independence glimmering on the surface of her developing sense of self.